Tuesday, August 18, 2009

And the Season Over........

Well, another year, and the Sirens win the regular season championship, and the Bosses win the tournament championship.

When will the league finally support the Brawlers, and allow them to take some decent draft picks?

Its really no fun to watch the Sirens and the Bosses split the title every year. There are some amazing skaters on the Brawlers, but for some reason it seems as if the league dismantles the Brawlers every single year, sort of like they did with the Betties.

Its getting a little boring. You know, this would never happen in the NBA or the NFL. Teams on the bottom actually get to take the best players, and then the players can't just dump the team when they are unhappy.

Real leagues need real competition.

Boring, boring, boring. If it wasn't for the Sirens beating Austin in the only decent bout this season, I'm not sure it would have been worth my cold hard advertising dollars.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Ahhhh, Goldibutt - Good Play!

So the word is in, and it confirms what the fans saw all night. Ajaxoff who played jam ref last night is said be having a less than professional relationship with Goldibutt.

Again, what the fuck. Every fan in the place couldn't figure out what Ajaxoff's problem was last night with the Sirens, and now, perhaps, it is crystal clear.

Indeed, how can Houston Rollerderby even permit a referee to ref a game, let alone a championship game, when his bed mate runs one of the teams?


Notwithstanding, there did seem to me some break down in the Sirens last night. As always, the Sirens had a great come from behind drive. But a little mojo did fall out. Maybe when you realize you're opponent has a stacked deck, it does suck some of that mojo away.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Which Boss is Screwing a Ref?

Will post more later. However, I have never seen reffing so one-sided. I encourage my contributers to provide me insight but clearly someone is having intimate relationships with a particular refree, in my opinion. Even the fams were laughing. Wow.

Oh, and thanks for the shoutout, Sirens. But, you're still not safe in the water. Just wish I had a sign.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Holy Sharkmolly! Scoop Alert! Scoop Alert!

So, I was pounding some Sharkblood with Dictatum, and would you believe what I heard? Two Bosses, a Bettie and a Ref are in negotiations to help the Southies build up their league? WTF? That's like leaving the NFL to play arena football. Traitors....

Speaking of arena football, I got a great pre-bout poll: which Roller Babe could put Russian Cleavage into Grandma Jonie (the one with the Siren tatoos on her oxygen tank) on the third row with a single hit? And that means just cuz you can dance on your skates (Death by Chi Chi) or ride the "outside" of the line (Mistzilla), doesn't mean they got the hurt to seriously throw down. So here is your chance, and vote early and often.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Well, Well, Well - Death by Chi Chi...and Heros

So, pretty amazing. Death by Chi Chi didn't flip me off once during the bout. And she pulled out an epic win. Pretty fucking cool. Now, if she could just put on a smile, and put on a clinic for some 5 year old girls, she may be my hero again.

Speaking of heros, how bout a shout out for all of the roller derby girls who sacrifice careers, friends and family to go out and play week after week. And I don't mean the beer-swillin, pot-smokin, ain't-nothing-in-life-but-derby girls. Its easy to sacrifice for them. I'm talking about the teachers, and the scientists, and the managers, and the college students and the accountants and the mothers who really really sacrifice. That's what makes roller derby cool. Yeah, the hard core fanatic sleep with their skates and tatoo derby logos to their butt chicks are interesting some times, but what gives derby its life and fuels the dreams of people everywhere is that every girl in America feels like they can wipe away the stereotypes of mother and homemaker, or step out from behind the masculine-charged professional world, and transform into their own heros, and our heros.

I'm starting to sound like a Budweiser commercial. Here's to Real Women of Genius.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Short Bouts

Okay, this is really crazy, but, the bouts are way way way too long anyway, so it was awesome that we could all get out of there a little early last night. Funny about the fire marshal. I heard the Bosses called the law in at half time when they felt their lead slipping away.

So, I giggled when the marshal came. I left early and was able to get plastered at the after party and still get home by midnight. Still sucks, but the the Sharkman has always been a silver-lining sort of fish.

Who was the Bollywood-esque singer prior to the bout? Ouch.

Dug the play of the Brawlers......got to love Stained Speedo getting the best of everyone, despite the Boss' elbows. Had the Bralwers not had two players sidelined by Boss cheap shots, it could have been closer. And how awesome was Bushwhackamole? I thought her blocker play was the best play I've seen out of her in years.

As for the Sirens.....seemed that Misty and her Killas came out playing small which cost them against Death by Chi Chi and Dreadlocks......wasn't until the Sirens went with their bigger defense with a few minutes left in the half that they managed to open some holes and get off that 1 point. Thought the Sirens individually looked good (except Misty who seemed tight the first 15 minutes), but the game plan was all gimped up.

Felt sure, though, that the momentum was swinging in the Killas favor in the second half. In fact, by my count, the last set of points did not go up before the police came. Sirens were up 39-38 at my count....

Anyway, I heard Southside has a venue for HRD in Pearland, if HRD could just bring themselves to extend an olive branch to the real rebel derby girls from down south.

We'll see.

Also heard HRD is giving refunds for tickets. Yeah!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Bosses Trade Tantrums for Points

Before I start this rant, let me say: Best bouts, Best venue, Best crowd, and most fun ever had watching Houston Roller Derby. Houston has turned the corner. Way better than Verizon days. Good job fans. You all look amazing out there circling the track. Looks amazing from the stands.

Now, on to the bad news.

Death by Chi Chi was the death of the Bosses. Seven trips to the penalty box. Ridiculous taunting when the Bosses were down by 30, and even when the Sirens were still up in the final seconds. And intentional, flagrant fouls.

The poor sportmanship of the Bosses is embarassing. How can my children watch her play.? What kind of role model is she?

I really enjoyed watching the Brawlers, Sirens and Honeys. All classy teams. The Brawlers were down nearly a hundred, and playing like it was still a 5 point game. (Savage, you are awesome.) The Honeys were up by a hundred, and still played hard, and never tried to humiliate the Brawlers. (Unlike the Bosses did against the cupcake tweens they played...). And the Sirens, despite being up nearly the entire game, never taunted or wagged a finger, or flipped their hands in the air. Great role models out there....Carmen and Get Me, Tex on a Bender, Bush Whack on Me, Hot Sweaty Rods.......all great.

Those teams are full of the kinds of girls that I want my kids to look up to as role models. I will tell them never be like Death by Chi Chi. Other Bosses don't even act like this. Look at the classy behavior of Naughty, Bootylicious, or Lead Head. Class acts. Lead Head had a wicked game, and I think was the high scorer, but never embarassed her team, her fans, or fans of the sport.

Death by Chi Chi really blew it for her team. She put her ego in front of her team. Oh well, I wonder if the rumors are true. Too bad the Bosses didn't get to take on the Sirens without the reckless behavior of Death by Chi Chi. They might have had a chance in the end.

Winner: Houston Roller Derby.
Loser: Death by Chi Chi.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Big Game .... Big Big Big Game

So, big game on Saturday night. Sirens taking on the Bosses. Well, I guess its not that big. Bosses have some injuries, uh, well, certain undisclosed types of injuries that aren't appropriate for posting on this board. But it certainly gives the Sirens an advantage. Plus, this is really the Bosses first bout of the year, so they probably have some cobwebs to dust off.

The big question I have is whether the recent swell of infighting in the Bosses (those that have been questioning DBC's ability to lead the team) will undermine the bout this Saturday night.

Of course, the Sirens aren't bulletproof. We all saw some mental mistakes during the bout of the century. I wonder if the largeness of the Bosses, like DBC and Booty, will be difficult for the smaller but much faster Sirens?

It really comes down to the refs. Will the refs allow the rough play of the Bosses, which will definately give the Sirens problems, or will the game be called clean, which will take away the Boss's "large marge" game plan. If the Bosses can keep up the rough play, I think the Sirens may have difficulty.

There are three Boss plays that frankly will cause the Sirens fits:

(a) Crawling Elbows. The bosses continue to work on the use of elbows to crawl through the pack. Half the time, the curl of the elbow around the chest above the waist will cause the opponent to become destabilized. We saw this in the pre-season twinkie game, and against the Brawlers too.

(b) The Shoulder Elbow. Definately a no-no, but not really called in this league like it is in other leagues. The bosses teach their girls to separate the elbow from the body when they lower the shoulder. The Sirens will have trouble with this, as they lack the "gordo" of the Bosses.

(c) Grabbing the Shirt and Pulling you Down Play. Its illegal, but the Bosses will be happy to give up some penalities to save a few points. We saw this play alot last bout.

It should be a great game to watch from the top row of the stands. Daddy shark and mini-me shark will be rooting for the Bosses. I, however, just want to see my Brawlers win. Oh, they aren't playing a cupcake team either....Snap.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Sirens - Wow

The Sirens are the real deal. What a great team. You can tell when you watch them the level of discipline, committment, and desire that all the girls have. What great performances last night by some brilliant jammers, including Mistilla who was awesome in her come from behind jam. But you got to give it up to the blockers last night. The Hell Marys were on the floor over and over and over due to some great blocking skills. Way to go Sirens.

As an aside, we've got the Sirens, who have stepped up to the plate and played Austin, beating them for perhaps the biggest win in HRD history, and then we have the Bosses, who decided to take it easy with the Corpus Christi girl scouts in their non-league play.....I bet those girls are regretting that cupcake play!

Way to go Sirens. Here's a fin.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Death by Chi Chi Eating Red Meat

I heard Death by Chi Chi has been eating red meat in preparation for the Brawlers this month. The Bosses have stacked the early part of the schedule this year with some real cup cakes, including what I imagine will be the easiest non-Houston schedule of any of the teams in HRD as they make a run for their first undisputed championship. But, speaking of cupcakes, all that red meat and indulgent behavior may backfire when Speedo shows them who's the real Boss! After getting into trouble with the Betties last year, you'd think the Bosses would learn their lesson.

We'll see. A shark fin says the refs don't call but a few minor penalities on the Bosses and their leading carnivore, Death by Chi Chi, because they are so scared of getting into it with the red meat eaters. Its only for that reason that the Bosses keep it close.

Brawlers by 15.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Math and the 20 Foot Rule

Ever wonder why the refs direct players to disengage from blocking even though the player is within 20 feet of the pack? Because the refs really don't know how far 20 feet is. So lets put it in perspective.

Each quarter circle from the inside track is 19 feet long. So if blocker Bootylicious is entering a straightaway out of pack, and the nearest pack skater behind her is crossing the mid-point on the oval, she can wail on Death by Chi Chi on the inside track because she is within 20 feet of the nearest pack skater, even if the entire pack is strung out over several feet (less than 10) but still within proximity of each other.

The straightaways are 35 feet. So if Borg member Lead is half a straightaway down the track and the rest of the pack is just entering the straightaway, Mustilla can give her a pop.

How long is 20 feet?

2/3 of the distance needed for a first down.

More than 3 Russian Cleavers lined up foot to toe.

60 Twinkies in a row.

The Height of a 2 story building.

Two and a half pieces of plywood long.

Seven 42" flat screen TVs lined up in a row.

Its a long long way. Keep an eye on those refs. We hate when bad math keeps us from seeing great hits!!!!!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Kickin' It.....Old Skool

My tour is up....I'm finally home. No more sand and nasty little flies.

Diggin "The Kick". Its like the Shriner days but without posts, folding chairs and bad lighting.

And the announcers are rapid. Elle Mc Fu Fu, you're amazing on the mike! Love it with the girls announcing. Its totally bake.

And, uh, what happened to the Betties? Did the Bosses eat them? Its like the Borg or something.

And my, my, my, is Mistilla cookin it on the track. I cannot wait until she burns a few laps around Death By Chi Chi.....

And now with the Betties consumed by the Borg, the Brawlers are totally hard. I predict the Brawlers will take the Bosses this year....because all those steroids will not help the Bosses mental game. Plus, the Brawlers nearly hooked the Sirens.......

Ah, I'm so glad I'm home. Way better then a bunch of stupid camel races. Plus the camels don't have skates, or wear really hot skirts.